As life has progressed, so have my attitudes towards having children. In the throes of youth, I had envisioned this baseball team of progeny blissfully coexisting with their imaginary Brady Bunch or even cooler, Partridge Family neighbors. (Darn you 1970's utopian television!) That was the beginning of the end if you will, of me being allowed to make decisions of any consequence regarding either make-believe or real family.
My blushing young bride's logic being that surely someone with such ridiculous notions was not playing with a full deck, and should not be trusted to decide anything more complicated than whether or not to hook up the Leaf-Blower/Vacuum-Thingy before mowing. A decision regularly second-guessed itself by the way! Moreover, I would qualify my personal sentiments with the clear knowledge that not all feel compelled to such a charge. In fact, many people I know have and are leading long and fulfilling lives devoid of children. And while I cannot imagine that having become a veteran of the wars, at least relate.
Life, after all, is full of tradeoffs. And precious memories of first steps and first words are now tempered, by rebellious teen’s intent on pushing buttons and testing limits. Golden Recollections' of mornings around Christmas Trees are scattered among sleepless nights around telephones. With little comfort coming from the fact that long ago, I myself felt much the same as this teenager sitting across from me now as if she has been sentenced to hard labor in some Siberian prison camp.
“Why do we have to go to grandma-a's-s hous-s-e anyway-y? “ Her house smells and it’s boring, and-d there is never nothing to do-o-o.” How is it that the simple facts that they may not be around much longer or that they might just be lonely seems so lost on them. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying they do not care. I’m just saying that their innocence does not allow them to grasp it all. The frailty of life, and the permanence of loss yet to come. Most of the people in their inner circles, they have known their entire lives. They do not have many memories “only” friends yet. To these young vibrant beings, life seems infinite. There are no quarters for such gloom and doom in their upbeat sunny worlds.
How then can we expect these people to understand that that will change, and sooner then they think? That someday they themselves will inexplicably be transported to the far side of a Generational Gap that seems to widen, with each insolent eye roll. And honestly, I am still trying to figure it out myself? I mean, how is it that someone who once rushed to their local Record Joint to buy Pink Floyd’s Pigs on the Wing, or KISS Alive II tickets as soon as humanly possible, now finds himself listening to the “oldies” station and clipping two-for-one early bird dinner coupons from the local newspaper, for Christ sake?. Can suspenders and ginormous wraparound sunglasses be far off?
Nevertheless, hardly a day goes by that I do not think about my grandparents and how in their later years, I saw them only sparingly. So please heed well yon eye-rollers of the future, some heartfelt advice from an old school head-banger. Make the most of your opportunities to say, “I Love you, I miss you, and maybe even I’m sorry, while you still can. Because words not spoken here and now will someday be relegated to the realms of regret or faith. Why do we have to go to grandma’s house? Because it is the right thing to do. Why do we have to go to grandma’s house? Because trust me, someday you will be glad you did. Why do we have to go to grandma’s house? Well, how about…just because I said so! But then again what do I know I’m just a smuck.
